|Thursday, Aug. 11, 2005 || And for that, I am thankful|
Be forewarned. This will be a rant of sorts.
Let me also say upfront that we don't have all the facts yet. But this is a frustrating situation nonetheless.
At about 9:30 last night, my phone rings and the caller ID is our church in VA. It didn't even register in my brain that it was community group night and that K@ytlin had plans to catch a ride with our good friends and neighbors so that she didn't miss youth group, which she loves.
Rob answered it and it was Kay. She was a bit agitated, and I assume upset, based on what she called to tell us, though I didn't actually speak to her.
Kay was invited to stay with a friend of hers who lives a street over. Her mom, who I also know from the daycare P@rker used to attend, invited her, and we thought it'd be a great opportunity for Kay to spend some time with her friend before the move.
But Kay was calling tonight to tell us that the girl confided in her that her older brother has been touching her inappropriately for several years and had threatened to hurt her - even kill her - if she told their parents.
Kay had not been in anyway threatened or approached by this boy, but she was dreadfully worried about her friend.
Your mind and emotions run the gammut on this one. Rob and I are 6-7 hours, at least, away. If we packed up and left at that very moment, we're still not getting there till well into the early morning hours.
And obviously Kay can not continue to stay there.
Rob talked with the youth director at length. The YD had tried to contact the co-pastors to ask them what to do for this child and about this situation, but neither answered their phones.
They put Rob on speaker phone, and Rob asked the child questions, kindly and gently. She brokenly admitted the same to Rob as she had confided in Kay. Rob told her she needed to go to her parents and tell them. That we would go with her if she needed us to. That if she felt threatened she could call the police.
We knew we couldn't go in with guns blazing making accusations, though our little champion daughter wanted just that. So Rob, over and over, told the girl to go to her folks, that she was worth it, and that what her brother was doing is wrong and that he needs help.
Of course, as horrible as you feel for this sweet child, we have the safety of our own to think about, and she can not, of course, return to this home for two more nights, as was the original plan. So, the next course of action is to find a place for Kay.
This is where the rant continues.
First, the youth director doesn't offer to help find her a place, nor even offer to keep her with he and his wife until we can get there. Now, maybe for liability to purposes, he can't - and I can understand that. But we are talking about a child whose parents can't get to her for 6 or more hours. A child with many friends in the youth group whose parents he knows. He neither offers to call, nor offers to provide, names and numbers of homes where Kay might be able to stay till we get there.
Kay has become close with a youth leader who is 19 and still lives with her folks. Sweet, sweet girl. Her mom is a secretary at the church and her dad is a deacon. If I understand correctly, this is the first person Kay and her friend go to about the situation (by the time we got the call, Kay's friend had told the youth leader and the youth director). So, the youth leader calls her mom and tells her as much as she can without breaching confidentiality and her mom says Kay can spend the night.
Now, here is where the story is, at this point, hearsay that we will need to verify.
Kay tells us that even as the mom says yes, the youth leader hears her dad saying in the background: "No, no, no. Let her parents come back from PA and get her."
Okay. I can understand that he would think we should come home immediately. But, hello, it is a 7 hour drive. Our boys are in MD and need to be picked up on the way. Even if we had left, as I said, at that very moment, we still couldn't be in VA until 4 AM or later. Our daughter still needs a place to wait, at a minimum, until we can get there.
And this guy says no, she can't stay with us.
Now, again, this is hearsay. I didn't hear the conversation. But Kay did say that the youth leader was livid. Very upset with her dad for saying no.
So, we're 7 hours away, our daughter has no place to stay the night (I'd called another friend but they were away on vacation), and no one at the church seems to be able to help or offer suggestions.
Enter stage right our friends and neighbors who brought her to church in the first place. They immediately offered to take Kay home with them and then drop her off at our house in the AM when they left for work. We have no problem with her staying at the house alone till we can get there today, but neither we, nor she, wanted for her to stay alone there over night.
At this point, we are trying not to jump to conclusions concerning the deacon who said no. Rob wants to ask him what happened before saying anything to him, or to the church leadership.
But regardless of his reasons for saying no, if he did know we were away and there is a 13 year old that needs a place to stay for one night...
I mean, come on, what would you do?
So, we'll head home this afternoon. Should be there by 10 or so.
Kay called us at 6:45 this AM and said that her friend wrote her mom a note. The mom believes her and her friend said, "I've never seen my mom look so sad."
The dad was taking the son to work with him today. Not sure what will happen next, but my heart hurts for this family. As awful as it is that the boy would do this, he needs help too.
Rob had to call their house last night to let them know Kay was going to stay with another friend. He didn't tell them why. The dad asked if anything was wrong. Rob avoided telling him anything.
But the man seemed to sense it.
If you think of it, pray for this family.
Right after we dropped Kay off on Monday, I prayed for protection for her. And while I could kick myself over and over for putting her in a potentially harmful situation, we had, at that point no reason to believe she could be in any danger.
And for whatever reason, Kay's time there finally gave her friend the courage to break the silence.
And for that, I am thankful.
Just a reminder - Friday, Aug. 10, 2007
Rockin' Girl Blogger - Wednesday, Jul. 18, 2007
A good end - Friday, Jun. 01, 2007
Moving on? Yes and no. - Monday, May. 07, 2007