Nicole feels

A few weeks ago, I shared how God impressed in my heart to share what I call His �Daddy-heart�.

Not too long after that, I joined a Bible Study at the church called Experiencing God. I completed this study about 8.5 years ago at the church we attended in Rob�s college town. It was the first study I attended after we moved from here to there. Now it is the first study I am attending upon our return.

Interesting �coincidence�, huh?

One of the key truths tackled in this study is that everything we do, how we react, when and if we hear from God stems from the love relationship we have with Him. It is undeniable and irreplaceable.

I didn�t quite get that back in the fall of 1995.

I understand it so much more now. It has become such a precious part of my walk.

At Parker�s birthday party, one of the teachers of the study�s came with her family. She and I began talking about the study and I shared with her how I didn�t get the love relationship thing the first time around. Oh, I understood it in my head, but it took 8.5 years of pain and frustration and a few �spiritual spankings� to even begin to scratch the surface of Abba Father�s daddy-heart of love.

Two days later I received this email:

I told L@urie about your great testimony about learning about God's love relationship even after being in the ministry awhile (as a newly licensed pastor�s wife she is interested in everything that PWs do). We would LOVE for you to share your testimony at the beginning of class about the importance of the love relationship with God. About 5-7 minutes so you could really share about how important it is and your story and make it personal and stress how foundational it is to their being able to hear Him. I think if we have your testimony we will be able to move on with hearing God with a few more understanding more clearly what is necessary. Write me back if it is ok.

I was floored, again totally overwhelmed. You see, as I have been studying Experiencing God, I came to the part that says how God will often reveal something to you and then take time to build your character for the task. Case in point: Abraham. He told him that he would be the father of a great nation, but it was like 20 years before Isaac was born.

As I pondered our time here, how I have felt over and over that he was saying, �Be still and know that I am God�, I began to think, �He must be taking this quiet time to build something in me to enable me for His purpose, for sharing His heart of love.�

Then I received that email.

I responded:

Wow. You may not know how God has used you to confirm something He told me a few weeks ago. On a Sunday morning, I was praying and I felt Him clearly say to me, "I want you to share my Daddy-heart with others". Now, there are many aspects of a daddy-heart. As you think of the ways in which your husband relates to your kids, as I think of ways that Rob relates to our kids, there are many aspects of a daddy-heart. But it all stems from love - every action, every response from a good Daddy comes from a heart of love. That's what good daddies do. They love their kids, even when it must be tough love.

ANYWAY... I say all that to say, I have had a burden for a long time to share God's love with others. So many people say they know God loves them, but they only know it in their heads not their hearts. And if they didn't have, or don't have, a good earthly daddy, it is all the harder to know and experience God's Daddy-heart.

When I realized God was telling me to do this, He did not tell me how or when. I even shared that with Rob. When we talked a few weeks ago in the Bible Study about God developing our character for the assignment, I felt like He was telling me that even though He had revealed something He wants me to do, He was going to take time to develop something in me before giving me "feet" for the assignment, so to speak.

So, to read your e-mail this morning overwhelms me! That He would already give me an opportunity to share one of the greatest burdens on my heart - His love...to somehow, someway encourage even just one and help them really see and feel His love, perhaps for the first time, is humbling, exhilarating, and flat out scary all at once!

I am honored that you and L@urie would ask me to share this. Pray for me as I seek His heart in exactly what I should say.

And thank you for allowing me this opportunity to share something that is a great passion and burden of mine.

I prepared for a short testimony of sorts. I was reminded of how amazing it is when God allows us to testify of something we are passionate about!

But it doesn't end there. That night, just before the class, my friend found out that the co-teacher was ill and wasn't coming. I was allowed a bit more time to speak my heart � as a matter of fact I didn�t even watch the clock. I just spoke what God had laid on my heart and it was such an honor.

A day or two later, I received another email:

God knew we needed you last night, that L@urie would be sick and that I needed you. I am so thankful to witness the coming of a gifted ladies teacher to our church that has experience, trusts God, etc, etc. Thanks again for being willing clay. Your time was perfect; you shared just the things that the Holy Spirit had revealed to me also as a goal for the evening. That's when I knew that His hand was on you also for the ladies here.

Please understand that I share this not to say, "see what I did", but to say, "Isn't God amazing!!??" I am amazed that He not only did that, but He used me.

Me. I don't deserve it. I am again humbled that he will use such a flawed vessel as I.

But He does.

It leaves me in breathless awe of Him.