|Monday, Feb. 03, 2003 || Enough|
Sometimes there doesn’t seem to be any words.
Thoughts and emotions jumbled inside, fighting for expression. Release.
That is where I have been today. So much I want to say, but words do not seem to come.
All my life I have struggled with self-doubt. I compensated by becoming an over-achiever, or at least trying to be.
A seeker of affirmation in a mostly silent home. A home of “that’s great, but…”
I have pursued perfection, only to miss the mark time and time again. Set up kingdoms, only to see them fall. Worshipped idols, to find they have feet of clay. All the while a still, small voice bidding, “Come.”
And I am learning to do just that. Sit at His feet. Take a deep breath, sigh, and remember that I am enough.
A new quest, no longer for perfection, but simply to be. To be the woman I was created to be.
Not the perfect mom, perfect spouse, perfect friend, perfect pastor’s wife.
And yet sometimes I still struggle. I still stumble. Comments made, which I know aren’t really about me, open a hole in my heart that cries, “will I ever be enough?”
Words, in the quietness of the day wash over my weary soul:
“I hear the tumult of the raging seas as your waves and surging tides sweep over me. Through each day the LORD pours his unfailing love upon me…” (Psalm 42:7-8a)
“I waited patiently for the LORD to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be astounded. They will put their trust in the LORD. Oh, the joys of those who trust the LORD…” (Psalm 40:1-4a)
“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” (Matt. 11:28)
The invitation to come. Spoken softly, humbly, lovingly.
“You are enough, Nicole. When will you realize that?
“And when will you realize that I am enough. I AM.”
Just a reminder - Friday, Aug. 10, 2007
Rockin' Girl Blogger - Wednesday, Jul. 18, 2007
A good end - Friday, Jun. 01, 2007
Moving on? Yes and no. - Monday, May. 07, 2007