Monday, Nov. 15, 2004 || Waiting and all

Nicole feels The current mood of nacwolin at

I started this diary 3 years ago today.

That is hard to believe. Then I thought it was just some silly little place to play around with html and talk about some of the funny things in my life.

Over time it became my therapist. A place of budding friendships. A source of laughter and encouragement and growth. A way to measure milestones, relationally and spiritually.

Some folks still look at me sideways and cross-eyed when I say that I have an online journal. You mean other people read it?

Um, yeah.

And you know, I cant imagine having it any other way.

~ ~ ~

This date has further significance in that it was on this day 17 years ago that I told Rob, Ill wait.

Just 9 days prior, we had gone out on our first date. Dinner in B0wie. Icecream at B@skin Robbins. A cold walk along the Inner H@rbor where we first held hands. Three kisses (he alleges that two were stolen!) under a porch light.

He left the next day to spend a week with family and friends in Cali before heading to the Gre@t Lakes for boot camp. But the evening before he officially kissed 6 years of his life away to serve this country, he inundated me with all the what-ifs, the I-will-be-gone-for-a-long-time attempts to scare me off.

And on November 15, 1987, I answered, Ill wait.

What did I know, a 17-year-old high schooler with romantic ideas about a long-distance sailor boyfriend? I barely knew this tall, lanky, pensive young man. And yet I heard myself say:

Ill wait.

A winter of little more than letters and stolen phone calls. Spring came and with it liberty weekends of minimal sleep, his Sunday drive back to CT coming far too soon.

Ill wait.

A birthday. A ring. Graduation. Summer came and went, and I found myself flying to California where we decided, why wait? Saying I do, before a fireplace and a handful of friends and family. A move. Settling in; newlyweds! The day coming far to soon when tears stained dress blues, watching him leave for months a time. Not once, not twice, but four times.

Ill wait.

Dj vu.

Waiting. To get out of the military. To finish his degree. To see a tiny seed grow into a flourishing church. To know what to do and where to go next.

It seems to be a theme. One I am still trying to come to grips with. I want to say it's been easy.

Truthfully? Not so much. I would be remiss to say that Ive never thought, What about me? or Is it my turn now? or "Why us?"

And each time I see him walk through those airport doors, I hear it again. Barely audible, an echo. And I remember.

Ill wait.

Some things never change.

What did I know, that snowy November evening some 17 years ago? Did I really understand what those two little words meant?

Id like to say, yes, of course I did! Truth be told, I am not so sure.

But there is one thing I do know.

Seventeen years and two tiny words ago, a nave 17-year-old gave her heart away.

And given the chance, Id do it all over again.

Waiting and all.

~ ~ ~

test - Saturday, Oct. 01, 2016
Just a reminder - Friday, Aug. 10, 2007
Rockin' Girl Blogger - Wednesday, Jul. 18, 2007
A good end - Friday, Jun. 01, 2007
Moving on? Yes and no. - Monday, May. 07, 2007

All entries (c) Nacwolin 2001-2006. These are my words. Use your own, m'kay?