Nicole feels

I feel compelled to write something, anything, today. Not sure why. Guilt, perhaps? I try to stay caught up with everyone's entries, while in the meantime, I seem to be suffering from a severe case of writer's block.

My need for affirmation drives me to carve out an entry so I don't lose readership!

I can be such a baby, I know.

I think the abundantly gray weather of this week past has seeped it's way into my overall outlook and demeanor. I have felt all moody and snappish and sleepy. Not the greatest combination when you are a Staffing Coordintor. I just haven't had a lot of patience with people, in general, this week.

"Oh, you want a job? Perhaps you might consider having a resume that doesn't look like it was composed by a first grader. And have you ever heard of these two words...breath mints..?"

Oh, yeah, I am all about the love this week.

I suppose if I analyzed things a bit more, I would realize that generally speaking, when I have somewhat of a spiritual high or victory, I tend to hit a low soon thereafter. Not too unlike Elijah. Not that I am comparing myself to him, but I see it throughout Scripture...David's psalms are replete with highs and lows.

That is probably why I find such comfort in them.

And Sunday was awesome. I had the opportunity to teach, though briefly, about something I am very passionate about. Not only that, but I was able to teach a fairly large group of women, which I love to do. And God was very real and close and did some amazing stuff.

Then this week came and I feel not too unlike Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde.

It hasn't helped that Rob and I have had two days of "bickering" amongst ourselves. I think we just miss each other. Time is preciously scarce - time to spend together that is. We are both tired in the evenings from our respective jobs and it is hard to carve out quality time for one another.

Must work on that, I know.

So, it hasn't been a good week to send me not-so-nice guestbook messages or to try to talk to me about something that has been bothering you for months or learning that someone you really love has indeed just made what may very well be a huge mistake.

And while I am talking about things that irritate me, don't you just love how someone who is not a Christian (or is a marginal, or new one, at best) feels like they can tell you how to be one? That is almost like me trying to tell my doctor how to be a doctor. This may sound harsh - and I apologize in advance if it does - but if you haven't walked the walk, please don't try to talk the talk!

I say that from experience - I have been guilty of it myself.

I think some of my "fussy mood" also stems from the fact that I am realizing that what I am being paid at work is low for what I am being trained to do - and what I do. I know I am going to need to address that soon. I am just not sure how.

This is new for me. If I wanted a pay raise over the past 8 years, I just raised my prices (having my own business and all). So, must think through the best timing and approach.

Sometimes I think I am not cut out for this! Then I remember that there are at least two women in positions right now that I contacted and recruited and they and the clients are very happy. Rob suggested I find out how much money those I have placed are bringing into the coffers so that I can see my "value".

With all my spare time, heh.

They are sending me to Richmond for training and they did order me business cards this week, so I just need to pray and think this through and approach the owner openly and honestly. I believe he is, overall, a fair guy.

But he is also a business owner looking at the bottom line.

All just new territory for me. And new things, while exhilirating, are also scary. Especially when one is still building confidence in one's abilities.

Well, it is high time I do something besides sit at this computer in my robe and jammies, lamenting my melacholy mood. Painting or budget balancing, anyone?

Oh, man, no wonder I'm crabby!