Tuesday, Jul. 05, 2005 || Some days are just like that

Nicole feels The current mood of nacwolin at

The fourth of July...

It was the first in a long time that I can remember us not doing anything. Just staying home. I still prepared the standard cook-out type food, but no picnic, no guests, no pool parties...none of those things that have made the fourth "the fourth" over the past decade.

Kind of weird.

But it seems to be par for the course. At this point we don't really belong anywhere. I don't say that to get your sympathy. It's just the simple truth. We are still in limbo, trying to decide if we should just move to PA to be closer to the home company even though Rob is still a contractor. And we can't really do that yet since he has (hopefully) a meeting this week with a pastor-friend in the northeast and a conference call with a church in western VA on Thursday.

I am finding my heart yearning toward moving to the northeast. A small part of me still wants to stay put, but I think that is more to avoid the hassle that is moving a household than any ties here. And while I am happy that Rob "passed" yet another phase in the western VA church's search, my heart and head can't seem to wrap around the idea of moving to that area.

I woke up around 4 AM Sunday morning, unable to sleep. Our former church - the people who were there when we were, many of which have left, the reasons too myriad to count here - heavy on my mind. In a nutshell, the pastor who came along about 6 months after we left has, in essence, erased what we established (the essence of who and what Anch0r was) while we were there. And now they are "dissolving" and "restarting". They will even change the name.

I wrote him a letter I will never send yesterday. It felt good to get my feelings out on paper.

We gave that place, those people, over to God a year and a half ago. But that doesn't change my love and concern for them. And sometimes, it's still hard to even think of that time and place in our history.

We heard yesterday a good friend of ours will be hired by the church here. He is a perfect fit for this position, and I am thrilled for him and his family.

But in the midst of that news, I found tears burning my eyes and a lump forming in my chest.

"When will someone want us? When will we get that kind of phone call?"

I am back at that place of weariness and frustration.

Now please, don't mistake this as a "please leave me huggy-touchy notes because I need attention" ploy. This is supposed to be a place for me to be real and bare my soul.

And that's where I am right now, this morning. That's where I was as I took off on my bike yesterday evening and rode like mad, fussing with God and questioning myself and everything.

There are some days that are just like that, you know?

~ ~ ~

test - Saturday, Oct. 01, 2016
Just a reminder - Friday, Aug. 10, 2007
Rockin' Girl Blogger - Wednesday, Jul. 18, 2007
A good end - Friday, Jun. 01, 2007
Moving on? Yes and no. - Monday, May. 07, 2007

All entries (c) Nacwolin 2001-2006. These are my words. Use your own, m'kay?