Nicole feels

A few days ago, my darling hubby had a lunch appointment at a local Chinese restaurant. Later that night, he took the kiddos to the golden arches for a tasty meal of nuggets and fries.

Now, you may be thinking, "Gee, that's great Nicole....uh, where are you going with this?"

So glad you asked!

You see, eating out more than once in one day, especially if Chinese food is on the menu, absolutely and totally reeks havoc upon my hubby's gastrointestinal system.

Huh?!

He gets gas.

Really, really, bad gas.

Face-contorting, room-clearing gas.

Those of you who have been married any length of time know exactly what I speak of.

Just before turning in for the evening, I went into his office to chat a bit and let him know I was turning in for the night. Too bad I didn't notice the green fog first.

"OH! MAN! Did you...?"

He starts to laugh. Dead giveaway. I make a quick exit to the livingroom. He follows me. Gaseous funk cloud follows too.

"Don't follow me! It is coming with you!"

Belly laughter. He thinks this is just SO funny.

A little bit later, we have turned in for the night. He falls asleep on his back and starts breathing in this really shallow, loud way that is really annoying. I nudge him, tell him he is snoring, and he rolls over. I turn the opposite way and settle down for a good snooze.

That is, until...

"OH MAN! You nasty pig!!! Are you awake?"

No answer. Breathing remains deep and regular. I am about to gag. I take those short little gaspy breaths to try to break through the funk. It finally passes, and I settle back in, beginning to doze. I am in that almost asleep, really relaxed, dream-like state, when....

He did it AGAIN! "YOU ARE DISGUSTING!" I hiss. I tuck the blankets around him tight, hoping for a reprieve, pledging to move to the bottom bunk of the boys' room if I have to gasp through another. He continues sleeping, breathing deeply, totally oblivious.

Or so I thought.

The next morning I tell him about how his fumes actually woke me up. And he laughs. And laughs. And laughs.

"I know. I was awake!"

"You what?!"

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the honeymoon ended LONG AGO!