Nicole feels

I have a lot of thoughts bumping around in my head, but I am not sure I can put them into any kind of coherent order right now.

This weekend we drove down to our last home-o-record for a wedding. Saw lots of folks we know and love at that place where I am still not sure why we had to leave.

Correction. I *know* why - in my head. But sometimes my heart has a tough time catching up.

I know we are here in this little state in the northeast for a reason. My mind can feed me all the why's and what for's easily and fluidly.

Hearts don't always listen so well, though, do they?

It was one of those bittersweet trips where laughter abounded, but tears were just behind the eyelids. Hearing, "But you belong here!" is nice, but it brings that dull ache back. And it reminds me that even though I know the why's, mostly, I still have questions unanswered.

I am also reminded that I don't always have to know why. And some clarity came in a moment of time during lunch, when I realized that indeed, we don't really belong there anymore.

But, I don't feel we really belong here either. Yet.

What will it take? What will it take for my heart to finally say, "This is home"?