Nicole feels

I've been asked to be the head mentor for the MOPS (Mothers of Presch00lers) program that is starting at our church this fall. This is definitely not something that was even on my radar screen.

God's funny like that.

I have a passion for teaching and counseling, and I especially love teaching women. One of my greatest joys in our ministry in MO was leading short ladies Bible studies. I desire to one day continue pursuing my education in psychology and counseling.

I had been asked back in the spring if I might be ready to teach a ladies class in the fall. I was looking forward to the opportunity. And then plans change, as they often seem to do. I was a bit disappointed to realize that the church here is not going to have fall evening classes.

And of course, my educational pursuits are indefinitely on hold again, as we still settle in from our move last winter. Would I ever get to pursue my ministry passions?

Rob is officially/unofficially (i.e., all title, no pay) in charge of outreach ministries, and a group of enthusiasic moms brought their desire to start a MOPS group to one of the pastors and Rob a month or two ago. I really didn't think anything of it. One of those, "Oh, that's a nice idea, but I don't have any preschoolers and I am not in that stage of life anymore."

Because of Rob's traveling schedule, he asked if I would meet with them a few weeks ago to show them the ministry manual development plan he is implementing for all new outreach ministries (basically, they have to develop a ten-tab binder that outlines the policies and procedures). So, I did. The women asked me how I was planning to be involved and I told them that I would be there for support through the development of the manual.

Piece of cake.

On Sunday, I happened into another meeting, this time with Rob, one of the pastors, and the developing leadership team. I sat a bit off from the group, since I was, as far as I was concerned, merely a tag-along ("Hey, Nicole, are you coming in too?" - a merely polite inquiry as they saw me in the outer office with Rob.)

As they outlined their strategy and needs, the leadership flow chart was presented. "We will need a head mentor," the budding coordinator explained.

Some whispering and sidelong glances were thrown in my direction by the testosteroned duo in the room as she went on to describe the mentor's qualifications and responsibilities.

"Wow, I am being talked to like I am not even here!" I murmured from my seat a bit behind the round table discussion. Head nodding and more smiles, and even some laughter at my proclamation.

The pastor then announced that he thought I should fill that position.

"Nicole has that radar that is needed for such a position, that pastor's wife's heart that I think will be key." Rob and the rest of the group enthusiastically agreed.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't get that panicked, I-can't-do-that feeling, but I didn't get a YES! feeling either. I just sort of sat there as they all smiled and nodded and (for those of you who know me well) I was utterly speechless.

I know, I know. That in and of itself is borderline miraculous.

I felt so, I don't know, self-conscious. Much as I have grown in many ways, I still have a hard time seeing myself as one with any thing to really offer in way of leadership. And though it was all nice to hear, it was hard to hear at the same time.

Verbal praise makes me feel like a little ant under a magnifying glass. I think that is why I like this place - just send me a note, but don't look at me and smile and say nice things so that I blush and advert my eyes and wonder if I have a big piece of brocolli in my teeth. Let me read it in the privacy of my own home or office where no one can see me.

After the meeting adjourned, the coordinator made me a copy of the mentoring purpose, job description, responsibilities, and roles. And as I read them, even I had to admit that they fall in line with my giftings and passions.

I told Rob today that I think the pastor just wants me in there as a spy. He laughed at me and said, "That's funny, but seriously, this position is so you."

I feel both overwhelmed and blessed. For months I have asked God where I fit in within the ministries here.

This may just be it.