Nicole feels

It is really difficult to try to explain this crazy little diary space to anyone outside of its realm.

�You mean you keep a journal, on-line, and other people read it?�

�Isn�t a diary supposed to be private?�

�You read other people�s journals?�

Unless you have spent any time here, �meeting� folks through their writing, you really can�t understand the dynamics, the attraction, the overall cool-ness of this small piece of Internet.

As corny as it sounds, being a part of this community has really changed me. And for the better.

Due to my husband�s vocation, I often have to hold back a bit of who I am. That doesn�t seem fair, really, but it is true nonetheless. And I accept that as part of the �liability� of the job. It is just the nature of it, and really, that�s okay.

But in this place, I began to feel, for the first time in what seemed to be a long time, that I could just be me. That I wouldn�t be judged by a role in my life. That despite a �title�, I am still a normal person with flaws, passions, and quirks.

I don�t have to be �perfect� here, which is probably the coolest thing to have happened to me in a long, long time.

And the bonus in finding a place where I can be me is that I have �met� a bunch of folks, who in my limited sphere of influence in the middle of the Midwest, I would have never met, or probably even tried to meet.

Last night, this place became all the cooler as Janie and I met up with Pam for pizza-and-meet-the-weasels.

Janie told me once, �I like to read Pam�s diary, because she just seems to be like someone in our family.� She is so right. Pam is just as I imagined she would be: easy-going, kind, funny. It really was just like going to see someone you hadn�t seen in a while, a good friend, cousin, or sister, to play catch-up. And I guess in a sense, since we have been reading each other�s thoughts for well over a year, that is exactly what we did.

She opened her home to us without hesitation and we ate pizza picnic style and gabbed for several hours. I felt immediately at home and comfortable. It was one of the high points of this entire trip.

And it all came about because of this crazy little place, this place that has become therapy, laughter, and support all rolled up into one.

And as silly as it may sound, I thanked God for this place today, and for all of you who have become a part of my life through your writings and through reading mine.

Thank you for encouraging me to be me, and for giving me a safe, warm place to do so.