Nicole feels

It is a gorgeous spring day, dogwoods and wisteria in full bloom. I can see that our yard was once quite beautiful because the azaleas are beginning to bloom with brilliant reds and pinks, even if their trunks are buried in brittle brown leaves from last fall and the lawn is nothing more than patches of damp dirt and weeds.

I think the budget and boxes yet unpacked will wait. It is definitely a day to be outside getting your hands dirty.

Shop talk...

The meeting at work went well. For someone as high strung as I, I stayed very calm and collected, affirming my desire to be a team player as well as keeping my family first (BossMan is a major family man, so I can say that to him).

I expressed my concerns over the lack of organization, or defined expectations, as well as how important communication is. I stressed that if we in the office aren't communicating well what our expectations are, how can we expect the clients and associates to do so?

As to Monday, Thursday night I realized that I would have to go in on Monday to give Sass the pager (we rotate it on Mondays). I told them that I would like to have the option to be able to leave asap to finish preparing for the travel to R1chmond that day, but that I would stay up until noon-ish if I needed to. I just want flexibility and they agreed.

I asked that my 90-day review be scheduled in mid-May; BossMan agreed. I will discuss salary then, though I did mention that it was important that in the future they explain everything (i.e., salary vs. hourly, pager duty, etc.) upfront. They admitted that was an oversight on their part.

Since Sass will be on maternity leave by then, I should have more "bargaining" room at that point.

When I get back from training, I will request the Friday before Memorial Day weekend off. I get two personal days, one a "birthday day", and that being my birthday week and all, I am going to submit for it. My hope is that Rob can get Saturday and Monday off and we can go away for the weekend, perhaps up to western M@ryland; his dad has a nice summer place up there.

Yesterday I felt so much better - the edge was gone - even though I opened and handled the place for 45 minutes on my own. It was actually kind of exhilirating. I am finding out that I do prefer the 7:30-4:30 shift, but when the kids are in school, the earliest I can get there is 8-8:30. Perhaps I can shift to that this summer...

Last night we were able to visit with some friends who are quickly becoming very dear to us. We have known them for years. We were able to do something really special for them last night, and we struggled over the presentation, but God affirmed while we were there that we were doing the right thing and in the right way, so we went forward.

Words escape me, and so this sounds sort of cliched, but, for lack of literary genius, it was just really, really cool (or as K@ytlin might say, "that was awesome!").

You are blessed to be a blessing... (Ez. 34:26)

I think Rob's work schedule is really wearing on him. Actually, I know it is. He has been working 10-12 hour days, Monday-Saturday. We knew the first 6 months to a year would probably be like this here. But it doesn't really make it any easier at times.

It is giving us a new appreciation for the other side of church membership. For 4 years we were in full time ministry - that was our job. It was difficult at times for us to understand why folks wouldn't come out for even an hour on a weeknight for a Bible study or prayer meeting.

Now I understand. Often it was probably just that they were tired. It's that simple.

We both feel we are still in this weird place. Our friend, who's husband is part of the pastoral staff, indicated that she thinks of us as part of the pastoral staff ("just because you aren't being paid for it right now, doesn't mean you aren't still a man of God!", she said), but that puts us in kind of an awkward place at the church. There are couples there who have been called into full time service who we know have had, and have, hopes of being hired FT at the church.

Then we show up. We were on staff here before. Rob has been/is a pastor. He has the schooling and the experience. And the last time we were here, we came as a pastor and his family (the conference in Oct.).

If you were them, what would you be thinking?

The last thing we want is to hurt anyone. I can see pain and fear in some of these wives' eyes. I know the road they are probably going to have to take, even if they don't see it yet.

I want to shield them, but I know all too well that some lessons are only learned through pain.

And telling them may seem self-serving, as if we are trying to "get them out of the way" so to speak. Because, you see, everyone who is a pastor at this church has left for a season and then returned. And I don't think any one of them have grasped that, or want to.

I fear I am not being very clear, but the bottom line is, we came here to encourage and uplift and with no agenda. I know Rob would love to go on staff here. It would be a dream come true for him. But we came regardless of whether or not that ever comes to pass.

There are many who believe it will, who expect it to. Who knew us before and just assume we will one day be a part of that vocational team.

And then there are the ones with fear in their eyes who we do not want to hurt or hinder in any way.

Blessed to be a blessing...how does that work in this, Abba Father?