Nicole feels

It's been a fairly lazy Saturday at Casa L. I did empty two book boxes, one of which had about 7 of our photo albums in it. Of course, that made what should have taken 10 minutes stretch into close to an hour.

I also took a nap. Almost 3 hours! Go me.

But that certainly isn't getting any more boxes cleared out of this place.

I have been redeveloping a friendship that goes back to an acquaintance here some 10 years ago. I find that when I want to speak with her, or tell her something, I tend to turn to e-mail. Which made me realize how many of my current friendships I have developed through e-mail or a board or this place over the last few years.

Five years ago I would have picked up the phone. Today I am more likely to flip open my laptop.

In some ways, I guess there is safety in pursuing relationships this way. I can think longer about what I want to say, edit and re-edit before sending. A lot less "open mouth, insert foot".

I have met several folks from here in person and we all immediately hit it off and felt a warmth and even love toward each other that some might find strange. (At least that's how I felt!)

But is turning to my computer screen over flesh and blood, here and now relationships mean I am a bit of a coward?

I want to think I have grown quite a bit since all the hurt and pain of friendships lost some 4 years ago. One has even been totally restored, and I believe, is the better for all the pain and hurt.

And yet, I still find myself hesitating, standing back, almost like I am awaiting judgement. That if someone sees the real me both in flesh and in type, they will move right along.

Hmmmmm. Maybe I've just had too much time to think today.