Nicole feels

I was off-line from Thursday morning until yesterday morning. That may be a recent record for me - ha! - but you know what, it was kind of nice.

Yesterday I just browsed here a bit, catching up on reads. It is good to be back, but I really think I needed the break.

Anyway, Rob drove basically all night on Thursday to KY (of course, he told me this after the fact!) and was able to be a support and comfort to his family. The memorial service was Saturday morning at 10 AM central. They had it outside his other uncle's farm house, and he told me that there were about 30 people there. He not only spoke, but also sang and played guitar. That was hard for me - especially when he told me on Friday over the phone that he wished I was there to sing with him. But he assured me that he really did want me at the retreat.

He also told me that he had never seen so many thongs (you know, up over the back of jeans) on so many Jerry-Springer-esque women. I guess it is good he is only interested in seeing yours truly in one.

And so, the long-awaited (or should I say long-dreaded) retreat. My roommates were awesome this year. We laughed much. The games and skits were hysterical. I was pleased that they used some of my ideas for both and they worked well (I forgot how cool it is to be involved in the creative process like that). The speaker was good but she talked a L O N G time. Almost an hour per session (and there were four). She had the softest, melodic voice, which made it hard to stay alert at times.

The downfalls were missing Rob and feeling like I should have been with him (my problem, not his) and one person that really irritated me often. I was convicted to figure out who is the prickly one in the relationship - me or her (I think some of it is simply how I process things and that she has several of the same irritating traits that my mom and MIL do). Regardless, it sure made me frustrated, sad, and even angry at times.

So the term retreat didn't just refer to a get-away weekend for me; often it described my desire to cut and run.

It also reminded me how much I miss the ways I was able to minister in St. Louis and VA. And how those doors all remain tightly shut here.

Will I ever know *why* we are here?