Nicole feels

Gosh, I know it has been ages since I had a real update. And I really don't have a great excuse. Yes, I have been very busy, but in reality, I am always busy, and we make time for the things we really want to do, now don't we?

So, what is my deal, anyway? That question is for me, in case you were wondering.

Yes, I have also begun talking to myself.

OK, ok, so that isn't really a new thing. Confession is good for the soul, right? At least I'm not talking out loud...

Anyhow, I just feel all restless and discombobulated.

Fall is my favorite time of year, and we are having that incredible, chill-in-the-morning-air, bright-blue, puffy-cloud kind of day that makes you want to breathe deeper, watch squirrels, and make homemade soup and fresh bread, and I, for some reason, am in a funk.

I realized yesterday that I hadn't taken any vitamins in over a week and that probably accounts for some of the weariness. I have now lost a total of 30 lbs. and can wear sizes I haven't seen since my sophmore year in High School. And I don't care that I am now 6 lbs underweight for my height, because it feels good to wear a size 4 and it's still slightly baggy. I don't care if some folks think I am now too thin, because I feel like Nicole again. I was always "too thin", and I never had to try, then. And as long as I continue to exercise and watch what I eat (and believe me, I am not starving myself - I consume 1800-2000 calories a day), I can stay here.

Shouldn't I feel energized, encouraged, even elated?

The subconcious mind is a funny thing. Is it the season, the time of the year, that simply has me feeling blue? Can I trace this mood back to something, or some things, that transpired in the fall in years past?

Or is that just psycho-babble and conjecture: Nicole making something out of nothing, making mountains out of molehills?

This is what I am pondering today. The grayness in my mind rather than the blueness of the fall Missouri sky.