Nicole feels

So much has been happening over the past week, it is hard to try to sum it up. Yesterday, I received a note of concern from a friend. This is most of my response to her. Perhaps it will explain where I am right now.

Dear�,

Thanks again for your kind note yesterday. It brought tears to my eyes, as I could read the true concern in every word. That meant so, so much.

You asked a few questions, and since classes are done for me for the week, I will try to answer them!

My weight is about the same; if anything I have put on a few pounds. I have to admit that my eating has not been as healthy (just grabbing something on-the-go way too often) and my exercise has dropped off as I have tried to get myself adjusted to my school schedule. I am working on all of that though, and hope to have a better schedule worked out soon.

Yes, I am tired. Especially after this past weekend. It was emotionally and physically draining, not only due to the funeral, but due to some "stuff" that came to a head with my family while there. It needed to get out on the table, but it was very difficult, and I am afraid I didn't handle it very well, at least at first.

I am trying to get to bed earlier, especially on school nights, and also try to grab a short nap when I am able; as a matter of fact, I think I will do that after my littlest one gets on the bus for Kindergarten this afternoon!

As for help, that is part of what brought me to the point of frustration. I am really overwhelmed with my responsibilities.... We have been here 4 years (we planted the church) and sometimes I feel sort of hung out to dry. It seems once we get some momentum going, something happens. I know He does not forsake us, but I have been feeling that way.

And I did talk to Him about that this morning. I know that His shoulders are big enough, but it is overwhelming at times! That is why I want to ask Him for a sign, but really, I know that is not the way to do things...but sometimes, I just want to SEE results - something really blatant and tangible, you know?

I know (at least in my head) that I can trust Him. Sometimes it is just very, very hard. I have a big "hole" in my heart about people letting me down, not doing what they say, and it is especially hard when it seems to be God who has done that!

Thank you for praying for me. I really do need it. You are right; I am exhausted. I know it is in my weakness that He works. I know that in my head. I just need time to remind my heart.

Love, Nicole