|Wednesday, Mar. 19, 2003 || Overwhelmed|
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jer. 29:11)
There are days when I must hold tight to those words as one might grasp a life line in a storm tossed sea.
This place called ministry can be a very tough thing. I become so weary of folks who have no integrity. Who speak out of both sides of their mouth. Who blame me for things that are not my fault.
It comes with the territory, I know. I have been in this long enough now to know that these types of people exist, even flourish, in many churches today. Oh, they look so good on the outside. They are talented, motivated. They seem sincere. Flattery drips from their mouth like so much butter on summer corn.
But in the end their words sting like wasps and cut like knives.
“Perhaps could you remove the knife instead of twisting it?”
The hardest part is that if they are truly my brother or sister in Christ, I am told to forgive them – yup, you heard that right – 70 times 7 – and then love them.
I have never been so naïve as to think this would be an easy road.
And some days, rainy pre-Spring days like this one, I would like to just crawl back under my down comforter and sleep. And forget. Even just for a little while.
There are days when I wonder if fighting is really worth it. What is the point? When I am so overwhelmed by the love of a perfect Father washing over my soul, healing me, and I look out and see blank stares and bored faces. And I want to scream, “Oh, please, don’t you get it? Can’t you see it?!”
He has a plan. And I don’t always understand the path that must be taken. And He doesn’t even ask me to understand. What He does ask me to do is trust His heart.
Some days, it’s just hard.
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