Nicole feels

Something happened yesterday that triggered one of my "holes".

A "hole" can be defined as an insecurity or a "personal truth", generally not realistic or true, that one has come to believe as a result of upbringing, environment, circumstances, etc.

One of mine is that I, nor my opinion, matter. There isn't a whole lot out there that can make me as I-see-red-angry as the triggering of this little doozie.

And so it happened yesterday. And while there are a whole myriad of other issues that needed to be addressed - and which I did address, and in an appropriate manner, I might add - I realized this morning that the core issue of what made my blood boil is that this person made me feel like I don't matter. That I am not an individual with valid input. That I am just an "extension" of my husband.

Grrrrrr.

Now while I am proud to be a "Mrs.", I cringe at the insinuation that I am nothing more than that. Because I still have a separate identity, and my "Mr." is one of the biggest cheerleaders I have in regards to finding and thriving in my own niche.

I guess it is prevalent in many evangelical circles due to the whole "submission" issue. The very word will make many independent women recoil. And while I can't deny that it says it, the actual application of it is often grossly misinterpreted. Not to mention the wee fact that Scripture admonishes us to submit to one another.

It comes down to roles. I have no problem admitting that my role and my husband's role are different. Different yet mutual in the sense that we are (and this is one of my favorite descriptions of the marriage relationship) "one flesh". Just as my hand and my foot are one flesh, i.e., they are of the same person: me. But they serve two very different functions.

Different, yet complimentary. Of the same, yet not the same.

So while I am honored to be the half of one, please don't forget the paradox.

I am still one, all by myself.