Nicole feels

My cousin, Tara posted an entry yesterday concerning her last yearly "you-know" check-up. It made me giggle, and it also reminded me of what happened at my last one. I know, you all are waiting with bated breath, yes?

When we lived in Springfield, I had a really great OB/GYN. She had been my doctor for 4 years, the longest I've ever had one doctor. She delivered our last child, and it was the best birth experience I'd had. So, I had put off and put off going for my check-up after our move here.

Our medical insurance coverage was about to change drastically, so I knew I had to get my butt in there, literally, for the dreaded check-up. I made the appointment, finding that I would see a nurse practitioner rather than our regular family doctor (which was actually just fine with me...I mean there is something about having the same man who cares for your entire family ask you to get into those stir-up thingies).

The day arrives, and all is well. Said nurse-practioner is actually bubbly and enthusiastic about her job, which while putting me at ease, was also a little unnerving. On to the dreaded aspect of the appointment, and she just continued to gab away.

"Did you know you have a tilted uterus?" she asked innocently enough.

"Actually, no. No one has ever told me that."

"You do. That is why you may experience some discomfort during deep-thrusting sex."

What!? Did she just say what I think she said?

Oh, and it gets better. Now that I am red-faced, speechless, not to mention totally exposed and unable to run anywhere quickly, said N-P looks up from what she is supposed to be doing and says...

"Deep-thrusting sex! I love the way that sounds! Deep-thrusting!"

Not knowing what to say, I replied, "Well, I think my mom had a titlted uterus, but she has had a hysterectomy."

To which she replied, "I did too, but now my uterus is in a jar somewhere!" And then she actually giggled.

Needless, to say, I lay there praying that she would very shortly tell me to scooch up and that she was all done. And just as quickly as she popped into that subject she started talking about books, and how, though a Catholic, she always wanted to be a Baptist pastor's wife.

Do Nurse Practitioner's receive mental evaluations before they are allowed to examine a woman's cervix??