Nicole feels

I will be gone from this addictive little place for a few days...we are going to Springfield tomorrow afternoon. So this may just be my last entry until Monday or so.

And there really isn't anything to report around here. I am feeling better, but still having trouble motivating myself to clean the house and start packing for the trip. The guest speaker for Sunday, and his family, will be staying here Saturday night in our absence...not a big deal, it just means really having the house together before I go. Right now that seems like a royal pain in the butt, however, it will actually be nice to come home to a clean house. It is a two edged sword - I hate the rush to clean before we go, but I hate coming home to a mess too. So, choose the lesser of two evils...and in this case, I don't really have a choice but to clean!

I had a dream last night/this morning about seeing T while we are in Spfd. In this altered state of conciousness, I tried to tell her how Parker still talks about seeing Seth and she basically "dissed" me. I think this plays into what I fear will happen when and if I ever see her again. It really bugs me that it still matters to me! The Lord has given me so many more friends, and increased old friendships so much since the whole fall-out way back when. So, why does it still matter to me?

Perhaps it is that I haven't seen her/them since Matt actually reconciled with Rob a few months ago. It bugs me that what they think about me still matters, even a little, to me. It should not matter! And I really have no ill will toward the two of them. I keep reminding myself that forgiveness does not always mean that a relationship is restored to it's past condition. And I know that the type of friendship I thought we had was not really there, in retrospect.

OK, enough of that! This is supposed to be therapy as well as a place to record what is going on in my mundane life, right!? And I can't talk to Rob about this 'cause it just bothers him. So, I will just vent here, and if anyone reads this between now and Sunday, pray for me. I mean Springfield is a pretty good size town, but you never know! And I am not sure I am ready to see them...